What If
by SabrinasMom3
Summary: ... at the end of Silence Grace just walked away Luke let her. AU - LG - COMPLETED
1. Default Chapter

Title: What If…?

Author: Sabrinasmom3

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own Joan of Arcadia or the actors, blah, blah blah.

Summary: What if at the end of Silence Grace just walked away Luke let her.

Author's Note: Lack of G/L screen time and fics has forced me to feed my addiction by writing. I apologize in advance, but this story is more for me than for you as I must get my fix any way I can. Hey, fix…fics, hmm.

"It's a natural state of imbalance built into the whole system. You know? A chemical reaction necessary to the conditions required for darwinistic…"

"Look, I am not into you. Got it?"

"Yeah."

With that Grace turned and quickly walked away. Part of her wished that he would stop her, but mostly, she just wanted to get out of there before she acted on what she was feeling and ruined everything she'd tried so hard to build.

Luke stood there stunned. He was sure that he had seen something in her eyes for just a second. Something more than hate or apathy or disgust. He thought he saw longing in there somewhere. He almost ran after her, but it had been a long day and he didn't really feel like ending it with a beating.

That night, Grace lay awake in bed trying not to think. Every time she let her mind engage it either went automatically to him or it somehow managed to find its way there through a series of seemingly unrelated thoughts. "What is wrong with you, Polk? You so did the right thing back there," she thought to herself. She had, hadn't she? Grace shook her head violently as if she could physically force the thoughts to fly out of her head and leave her alone.

Sleep was also slow in coming for Luke. Sure, he was worried about his sister, but he was also embarrassed that he had made a fool of himself by putting his feelings for Grace out there. He should have known that you just can't get close to a girl like that. He was grateful that school was out and he wouldn't have to face her again. He would definitely be more guarded with his heart in the future.

* * *

Luke spent the next week getting ready for space camp and another two weeks at camp before coming back home to enjoy his summer. And he did mean enjoy. He felt bad about Joan's illness, but having her out of the house for another two weeks was every little brother's dream. He could eat anything in the house he wanted, he could sleep as late as he wanted and best of all, he didn't have to share the remote. The possibilities were endless.

He got up early on Monday, his first day back, and set out on a supply run. He needed copious amounts of junk food and a never-ending supply of videos. He was smiling and humming as he walked through the grocery store, until he turned into the snack aisle and almost walked right into the one person he was hoping not to see for another seven weeks, if ever. Grace Polk.

"Crap," she thought to herself. What was he doing here? She grabbed a bag of chips off the rack and hurried off in the opposite direction. She didn't like the way her heart sped up when she saw him. She felt like she was going to throw up, but she couldn't tell if it was because she was excited to see him or because she was disgusted that she was excited to see him. She quickly paid for her chips and ducked into the first business she came to.

He stood there with his mouth half open at the end of aisle until she disappeared around the corner. "Way to look aloof, Geek." He shook his head at his stupidity. He had vowed not to let her get to him anymore, but just the sight of her made his brain freeze up. Pathetic. He paid for his munchies, then headed to the video store next door.

He was browsing the sci-fi section when he smelled it. The scent of grease, leather and the faintest hint of vanilla. He didn't see her, but he knew she was there. He grabbed a couple of random videos and headed for the counter.

Grace saw Luke come into the store and immediately employed evasive maneuvers. She was watching him from behind a shelf when he started getting all twitchy and looking around. He suddenly grabbed some videos, turned around and headed straight for her. She tried to find something to look busy with, but it was two late. Their eyes had already met.

"Dude, are you following me? Stalking is illegal you know." She bit out the words then rushed out the door.

Both teenagers were angry with themselves for trying so hard to avoid each other yet still ending up in each other's faces. When they left the store, each one snuck a glance to check which way the other was going and plan their escapes accordingly. Neither one of them noticed the corduroy wearing hunk smirking at them from across the street.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: What If…?

Author:Sabrinasmom3

Rating:PG-13

Disclaimer:I don't own Joan of Arcadia or the actors, blah, blah blah.

I also don't own one of the ideas in this chapter so I'll have to credit Wallflower04 with it, even though I didn't ask her to use it. I hope she doesn't sue me…she won't, all I have to take are my kids and I know how she feels about demon spawn.

Summary:What if at the end of Silence Grace just walked away Luke let her.

The rest of the week Luke made it a point not to leave the house unless absolutely necessary. By Saturday morning he had major cabin fever and had to get out. He couldn't take the boredom, or his random thoughts of Grace anymore, so he decided to take a walk. Maybe the fresh air and some star gazing would help him relax and settle down. He walked to a nearby park that was poorly lit and offered the best view of the night sky. He lay down in the grass next to the duck pond, looked toward the sky and listened to the peepers. Ahh. This was definitely better. He rested there a long time, probably a couple of hours, so it was near midnight when he was startled by footsteps approaching. Who could possibly be wandering around a dark park in the middle of the night? He figured his best bet was to lie still and quiet and try to go unnoticed, just in case this was not a fellow start gazer, but a psychotic criminal looking to do some chainsaw practice.

Whoever it was walked past him, about ten feet away, then continued down to the edge of the pond. There was no moon out so there was no way to make out any details about the person. Suddenly a metallic "click" echoed out across the water, freezing Luke in place. For just a second he thought it might be the cocking of a gun, but then it happened again and again. Click, clunk, click, clunk. It wasn't until the person sitting about thirty feet in front of him lit the thing that he realized it was a zippo lighter.

He was so relieved that he let out the breath he was holding. He had no idea it would come out so loud on such a still night. The person holding the lighter jumped up and turned around.

"Who the hell's out there?" Grace yelled into the dark. What kind of deranged freak went prowling around a park in the middle of the night? All she wanted was to be alone and enjoy the solitude of the night. She just wanted to quiet the crazy scenarios and sickeningly sweet happy storylines spinning with dizzying speed around her brain. But no! Instead here she was, about to be bludgeoned to death by a woman-hating government conspirator gone postal.

Oh no. If only it was a psycho with a chainsaw instead of her…again. Luke contemplated playing dead or pretending he was a rock, but he figured Grace was too smart for that and if she found him on her own, the outcome would be much worse. "Grace, is that you? It's me, Luke."

Was he following her? No he couldn't be, she would have heard him. Grace was careful to listen for footsteps when she was in the park at night. Luke must have already been here when she got her. Great, now he would thing SHE was following HIM.

"Listen Geek, I don't know what you're trying to pull, but sneaking up on me or staking out places I hang or whatever it is your doing is not going to sweep me off my feet, it'll just get your ass kicked, so knock it off."

Luke jumped up. "Grace, I was here first and I came to look at the stars. I didn't even know you came here. I think maybe you need to get over yourself. Don't you think I have better things to do then pine away for you all summer after you so undisputedly rejected me?"

This time it was Luke who turned his back and walk away. He felt guilty for yelling at her like that, especially considering that pining was exactly what he was doing, but he wasn't about to let her stomp on his heart again.

Once she was sure Luke was out of earshot she flopped down on the ground and let out an exasperated sigh. Grace was pretty sure Luke wasn't what you would call stealthy, so she doubted that he was really stalking her. But somehow they kept running into each other. How annoying! Especially since she was having more than enough trouble keeping him out of her thoughts without seeing him.

Luke couldn't believe it. He only left the house twice in the week he'd been back and already he'd managed to stumble upon her twice. Three times if you count the grocery store and the video store separately. It was as if someone found it amusing to put them together and watch the sparks fly.

Author's Note: For those who didn't catch it, I stole the zippo from Wallflower04.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: What If…?

Author:Sabrinasmom3

Rating:T

Disclaimer:I don't own Joan of Arcadia or the actors, blah, blah blah.

Summary:What if at the end of Silence Grace just walked away Luke let her.

Chapter 3

Thankfully, the next week was uneventful. Externally anyway. Internally, both Luke and Grace were struggling to keep their thoughts in check.

Luke found himself reading the same page over and over and not remembering what he had read. He'd be reading along and come to a word like "revolution" and even though it meant "the rotation of a celestial body on its axis", his mind automatically swung over to "revolution" meaning "rebellion" and hence…Grace. Every conversation they had was replayed and reanalyzed and he couldn't help wondering what the outcome would have been had he said or done something differently.

Grace wasn't much better off. She was pretty good at keeping her mind busy during the day, but nighttime was intolerable. Some nights she got to sleep alright, but was woken up during the night by dreams. In her dreams, she was uncharacteristically cheerful and agreeable. Not to mention affectionate. Dreams like this not only confused her, they made her angry. She hated being so girly, even if it was just in a dream!

Then came the day they had both been dreading. Joan was coming home. It wasn't that either of them didn't want to see her, but they knew that it meant they would end up having to see each other too.

Joan's first day home, she spent with Adam. The second day, she started calling Grace. After almost a dozen phone calls, Grace decided that she was being ridiculous and finally answered the phone. She had always been determined not to alter her life for any man, and that included altering it in order to avoid one. Grace agreed to visit Joan on Tuesday, after subtly pumping Joan for information and finding out that Luke would be at Friedman's.

As long as the coast was clear, Grace was actually looking forward to going to the Girardi's to see Joan. She had been worried about her and wondered how she managed at camp.

Grace arrived to squeals and hugs, as expected. She responded with rolling eyes and snarky comments, also as expected. Then she did a quick recon, just to make sure there were no unwanted male Girardis lurking. "Hello, Grace, over here. It's me, Joan, the purpose of you being here. What on earth are you doing? Maybe its just me, but you seem a little more paranoid than usual."

"Sorry, bad habit I guess," Grace covered. "How are you, anyway?" Grace had pushed the "on" button and Joan started recounting every single detail of her entire summer, once again, as expected. Grace knew she could count on Joan to be predictably self absorbed. Grace settled in on the couch and listened in bored, yet comfortable companionship.

Somewhere around week four, the front door opened and to Grace's dismay, in walked Luke. She had actually been so engrossed in Joan's stories of Crazy Camp that she didn't notice how late it had gotten.

"Grace."

"Geek."

Joan looked from one to the other. Luke hurried upstairs and Joan looked questioningly at Grace. "What?"

"That was the coldest greeting I've seen since like the ice age. What's up with you two?"

"Nothing. Quit looking at me like that and get on with your story, otherwise I'll be here until school starts."

Again, Grace knew exactly how to make Joan switch subjects and she continued with the drama that was her summer.

Later that evening, Joan, finally all talked out, asked Grace about her summer. She prodded and picked. She didn't seem to want to take Grace's "It was OK" for an answer. Grace told her about some of the movies she'd watched and about Rove dragging her to some modern art exhibit in the park. Still, Joan wanted more.

"So, did you hang out with anyone new and interesting while I was gone? Someone like, oh I don't know, a 'special friend'? Come on, you can tell me."

"Girardi, you are so girly. Why would I waste a perfectly good summer letting some dweeb chase after me or worse yet, letting myself chase after some dweeb?"

"I hit a nerve! Come on, spill it!"

"What? There was nothing. Quit smiling at me, Mary Matchmaker! Besides, even if there were possibilities, why would I bother when it would just end badly anyway!"

"Grace, that's not always true. And even if it were, there are so many things that you would miss out on. That's like not really living because you know some day you are going to die anyway."

"What made you suddenly all insightful?"

"I just spent all summer with crazy people and shrinks. I guess I picked up some of their psycho babble. It's true though. Be happy and enjoy it now, cause you never know when you might be told its was all just a hallucination brought on by a lousy tick bite."

"Um…Ok. I think I better get going. It's getting late and you must be tired or something."


	4. Chapter 4

Title: What If…?

Author:Sabrinasmom3

Rating:T

Disclaimer:I don't own Joan of Arcadia or the actors, blah, blah blah.

Summary:What if at the end of Silence Grace just walked away Luke let her.

Chapter 4

Luke slammed his bedroom door and kicked a pile of clothes on the floor. He didn't think she would still be here or he would have stayed at Friedman's longer. Why did he let her get to him like that? Logically, she was all wrong for him anyway. They had nothing in common and certainly didn't share the same ideals. So why did her face appear whenever he closed his eyes and haunt his dreams while he slept? He hadn't had a good night's sleep all summer because of her.

"That's it," he said to himself. "I'm done. She is no longer going to control my thoughts and feelings." He hoped that saying it out loud would make it true. He was wrong.

Around 11 o'clock he ventured downstairs to get some warm milk. He had to do something or he'd never get to sleep. He was sitting at the table sipping his milk when Kevin came in. Luke was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice when his brother wheeled up to the table with a bowl of ice cream. Kevin looked curiously at his brother, then purposely slammed his bowl down on the table. Luke jumped high enough out of his chair that when he came back down he missed the seat and landed on the kitchen floor.

"Man, what is wrong with you?" Kevin laughed. Luke stood up and brushed himself off. He glared at Kevin and shook his head.

"There's nothing wrong. What makes you think that? Can't a guy have a glass of warm milk without everyone thinking there's something wrong?" Luke barked out irritably.

Kevin just looked at him and waited. He knew if he stared long enough Luke would give in and tell him what was on his mind.

"Fine! I like this girl and I made the mistake of telling her and she all but laughed in my face and now I keep bumping into her and I can't get her out of my head. She heard how I feel and she couldn't care less. There. Are you happy?"

"Look man, it's normal. At least you took a chance and put it out there. There are only two things you can do. You can either buck up and get over it, or you can keep trying until she either gives in or files charges. What you cannot do is sit around moping like some wishy-washy teenage girl. You are a Girardi man. Start acting like it!"

Luke headed upstairs and thought about what Kevin said. He was right. Why should he be sitting around acting helpless and weak. He needed to come to a decision whether to pursue her even more aggressively and risk physical harm or put his every effort into just getting over her and moving on.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: What If…?

Author:Sabrinasmom3

Rating:T

Disclaimer:I don't own Joan of Arcadia or the actors, blah, blah blah.

Summary:What if at the end of Silence Grace just walked away Luke let her.

Chapter 5

That night, Grace went to sleep contemplating what Joan had said. Her mind must have continued long after she fell asleep because she was soon caught up in a very un-Grace-like dream.

_It was a perfect summer day. The sky was blue, the grass was green and Grace was smiling. She was wearing a yellow sundress and sitting under a tree on a checkered blanket. Laying with his head in her lap smiling up at her was Luke. He laughed, then pulled her down to kiss her. It was a warm, gentle, breathtaking kiss. When he finally pulled away from her, she could see admiration, joy and unconditional love in his eyes. Grace felt like someone was blowing up a balloon inside her chest. She told him that she had never been happier than she was at that moment. He said that was cause for celebration. He jumped up and yelled over his shoulder to her that he was going to get them some ice cream. Grace watched until he ran out the entrance to the park and out of sight. She turned her face toward the sun and smiled. When she opened her eyes, the sky was dark and foreboding. Suddenly, her smile faded as she heard screeching tires and crunching metal. She got up and ran for the park gate. She reached the street and had to shove her way past a man walking dogs before she saw it. It was the back half of a black sports car fused together with the shiny silver remains of the ice cream vendor's cart. The ice cream was melting and a river of vanilla ran down into the street. As she watched, the river inexplicably turned to strawberry. When she looked more closely, she realized that what looked like melting strawberry ice cream was actually the same vanilla flowing together with another tributary of red. She visually followed the tributary to the source and saw Luke, lying half under the twisted metal. She tried to run to him, but the road was too hot and her feet kept sticking to the tar. She tried to yell but nothing would come out of her mouth. After what seemed like hours she was finally able to reach him. She held his head in her lap and he looked up at her. "Don't be sad, Grace, at least I got to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you." _

Grace sat upright in bed gasping for breath, heart racing and sweat running down the back of her neck. She looked at the clock, 2 a.m. The feelings she'd had were so strong and so real that they lingered long after sleep was gone. She couldn't remember ever having feelings that strong. Actually, couldn't remember feeling much of anything in a long time.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: What If…?

Author:Sabrinasmom3

Rating:PG-13

Disclaimer:I don't own Joan of Arcadia or the actors, blah, blah blah.

Summary:What if at the end of Silence Grace just walked away Luke let her.

Chapter 6

Luke was startled awake by loud noise. He grabbed his glasses and looked around the room but couldn't find the source. Then it happened again. It was a tapping and it was coming from outside his window. He hesitated before going to look out the window. While he was trying focus on the outside he saw movement and realized that whatever it was, was only inches in front of his face. He stumbled backwards and was about to yell for his dad when a voice stopped him.

"Come on, Geek. Let me in already, before I loose my grip on this drain pipe and plummet to my death." She couldn't believe she was doing this, but she had to know the truth.

Luke opened the window and watched Grace climb in the window. What was she doing here and why was she climbing in the window? And did he really even care why or was it just enough that she was here?

"Grace its…" He looked at the clock. "It's three in the morning"

"Yeah, sorry Girardi. I, um…well…I had to talk to you. I had this crazy dream and then you died and I guess I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Luke smiled at her with his crooked cocky grin. "You were dreaming about me, huh."

"Never mind. I knew this was a stupid idea." She rolled her eyes and headed toward the window.

She was walking away from him again. It was time to make a decision. He could either let her go and give up forever or he could…

Grace had almost reached the window when she felt his hand on her shoulder. "Grace. Stay. Please." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Here goes nothin'," she thought. She turned around and looked into his eyes. Neither of them moved or spoke. They just stared into each other's eyes.

Grace was trying to see if his eyes held any of the emotions in the real world that they did in her dreams.

Luke was searching for Grace's soul. For the tender, caring person he thought might be inside her.

Luke reached up to touch her face and as if it completed a circuit and made an electrical connection, both instantly saw in the other's eyes exactly what they had been looking for.

She could see that Luke had strong feelings for her and he saw that Grace was capable of sharing those feelings.

They leaned toward each other and let their lips lightly touch. It took Grace's breath away, just like she remembered. Luke pulled away from her to make sure she was alright.

When their eyes met again there was more intensity there, more need. This time when their lips met Grace grabbed on to Luke's neck and he wrapped his arms around her waist. Grace felt a hunger and longing that she never realized she was missing before. "So it was true," Grace thought. "It is better to feel good, even if you have to feel bad too, than not to feel anything at all." She suddenly felt a balloon inflating in her chest and started to laugh uncontrollably.

Luke had never seen her eyes sparkle like that. It made him start laughing too. Soon they were laying side by side on the floor laughing together and wondering why it took them so long to give in.

Out on the sidewalk, a juvenile delinquent with spiked hair and make up looked up at Luke's window. He smiled, nodded and walked away. His work here was done.


End file.
